So… I wrote this last night because I needed to vent and I didn’t yet have a blog. And as I was writing it, I realized that I’m going to explode if I don’t have a place to vent on occasion. Funny, I just sat here discussing the need to vent without talking to them about it because it would just make them feel bad since there was nothing anyone can do about it. They all agreed that I was right and didn’t press the issue which is great. So here it is…. my break down moment from last night. Probably not the best way to start a blog… but it’s how I roll….

“I’m done. I’m just so sick and tired of everything that I can barely stand it anymore. I’m done with the fighting. I’m done with people talking about each other behind one another’s back. I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly in the way. I’m tired of stupid animals pissing on me, on my bed, on anything other than where they’re supposed to relieve themselves. I’m tired of dog hair. I’m sick of animals that love you one minute and hate you the next. I’m tired of not being able to tell someone how you feel because they’ll blow it out of proportions on either side of things. I’m sick and tired of getting spit on by the universe. Can’t get a house for my family. Have to get teeth ripped out of my face. I’m tired of getting blamed for the actions of an animal that was here before I ever was. I’m tired of my husband being miserable. It’s Christmas for fuck’s sake. We’re supposed to be happily enjoying each other’s company. Not flipping each other off when the other isn’t looking or whispering about someone when they’re in the fucking room like what they want is a terrible inconvenience.

I’m just…… I’m tired of having to be the strong one all the time. I’m tired of having to be the middle man, tired of having to rephrase everything everyone says in order to attempt to keep the fucking peace. No one should ever have to do that yet here I am…. For a month straight now I have to take it upon myself to attempt to keep the peace and the few times I try to let people speak for themselves everything goes to hell. I’m tired of sleeping on someone else’s sheets. I’m tired of not having a place for any of my shit. I’m tired of people picking on my kids constantly for their behavior when they’re not doing anything out of the ordinary for children.

It’s come to the point where I’m just sick and tired of my life in general. My husband made a comment the other day that I never seem happy anymore and he doesn’t know how to fix it. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I didn’t seem happy because I am absolutely miserable here. I only agreed to move to Virginia because I knew it would make him happy and that’s what he needed right then. He needed some stability and Virginia seemed the most promising. Boy was I wrong. I should have spoken up and asked to go to Phoenix. Here I am again, miserable because I was trying to please someone else.

More than anything, though… I just want to go home. God, please let me go home. Let me wake from this wretched nightmare. I hate it here. Everything is wrong here and my family is suffering. Please help me find some sense of stability again. But most of all…. Help me regain my strength, the strength that no one ever sees, so that I may be there for my loved ones and keep from making them feel worse about things they have no control over. God please…. If you’re out there…. Cut me a little slack. I’m drowning here…….

Gasping for breath…

Arcadian Phoenix”